My mom and I got to the club early that night.  We wanted to make sure that we saw the whole thing from the beginning.  I hadn’t slept the night before and the thought of getting an up close and in person look at one of my idols was a dream come true.  I couldn’t believe that the welcome party was being held at Byblos, the nightclub I had been working at.  Not only was I going to meet Nagwa Fouad but I would get to dance for her.

The camera crew arrived early.  They were filming the event for both U.S. and Middle Eastern stations since it was the first time in history that so many famous Middle Eastern people were in the United States.  There was also to be a huge concert the next weekend with lifetime achievement awards being given out and the press was in heaven. 

The doors swung open and I got butterflies in my stomach.  The camera lights went on and the band began to play.  As each celebrity walked through the door, the cameras, press, and nightclub staff began to fight over how to be the most gracious to the guests.  It took one hour to seat everyone and of course Nagwa Fouad was the last to enter.

She was beautiful, just like a queen.  I wanted to just watch her walk and interact with the press.  She was truly a “star” and each of her movements were made with such ease that I giggled to myself at her sheer brilliance at “working the crowd.”  Nagwa’s outfit was very simple but her energy was loud and it controlled the room.  I realized that even though she had been the last to enter the room, she had set the whole room up to circle around her. All of the celebrities were at her table and the rest were just kind of positioning themselves in order to get into a small percentage of the background images when photos were taken during the evening. 

The manager of Byblos came to me and told me to get ready for my show.  I felt like throwing up.  I wanted to run and hide now.  I was all of 18 years old and I felt like Little Bo Peep next to everyone else in the room.  My mother was so excited since she was also a big fan of Nagwa Fouad.  My mom and I had chosen the “Karnak” costume that she had designed as a high school graduation present for me.  I also debuted this costume in the “Suhaila Dance for the Sultan” video that I had just filmed.  My make-up was perfect, my costume was beautiful, and the band, a wonderful group of musicians that I had been regularly rehearsing with, was ready.  I felt strong, other than wanting to barf.

I got ready and began to warm up.  I heard the band play the song that they usually played for me right before my show and I broke out into a cold sweat.  I heard a loud knock on my dressing room door and the manager said, “You’re on next!”  I came out of my dressing room and stood at the back of the nightclub so the band could see I was ready.  My music began and my body took over. 

The crowd began to applaud as I entered the stage.  I knew some of the invited guests since they were regulars of the club and I think they knew I was nervous.  The band was hot and I was beginning to feel excited at the possibility of showing my art to a group of Middle Eastern artists that might appreciate me.  I started to loosen up.  I felt very honored to be dancing for this very specific group and my eyes were very humble.  I could see my mother hiding behind one of the palm trees used as decoration in the club as she tried to “blend in” and enjoy my show.  It was something she did often, but this night it felt funny since I could see on my mother’s face that she was so proud that I might be fully appreciated. 

As my first song came to an end I bowed and looked up at Nagwa to see if she was looking at me.  She was talking to all of her friends.  I thought to myself that maybe she hadn’t seen them in a long time and had gotten carried away with the conversation.  I don’t think she even stopped to applaud like everyone else did.  So I went on to the next section of my show, which was a very emotional kanoon solo.  I began with my back to the audience to build the mood, but all I could hear was Nagwa laughing and talking.  I thought this was odd since she was a dancer and would know how hard and scary it was to perform.  As I slowly turned around to face the audience while doing a very slow figure eight and vibration, she never stopped talking.  I then noticed that whenever someone was watching me that she would engage them in conversation just to pull them away from my gaze.  Then I felt hurt.

So I finished my show with my chin high.  My mother was so proud of me and I felt that was all that mattered anyway.  When my drum solo was over and they began to play my exit music I just couldn’t believe that my whole dance that had been dedicated to Nagwa was never even seen by her eyes.  So I walked over to the edge of her table and just stood there with my big dove eyes.  The whole table stopped talking and she was forced to notice me.  When her eyes finally met mine I lowered my head and slowly bowed to her.  Yes, I bowed to the queen holding the edges of my skirt and doing a curtsy.  

I ran off the stage and she finally began to clap and very loudly tell the whole table that I was the first American belly dancer she ever saw with “it”…. “Za Feeling.”  The press pulled out their pens and began to quote her and ask the manager of Byblos how to spell my name for print.  Funny how she thought I had “Za Feeling” since she never really watched my show.

I changed and went back out to sit with some friends.  I was never usually allowed to sit with friends or customers, but on this night I got permission since the event was so special and the friends who invited me to sit with them were the very rich and regular customers of the club.  I arrived to the table and my friends stood up and applauded.  I think they felt bad for me since they knew that Nagwa hadn’t looked at me.  I felt the tension in the room with all of the celebrities and I felt so out of place.  We all enjoyed the music and after the first singer came out, the room began to chant “Nagwa…..Nagwa…..Nagwa”.  It was time for the queen to grace the little stage of Byblos. 

She declined in the traditional way by trying to look shy and “not in the mood.”  Her hands waved and the more she said NO the louder the chant became until she stood up and the room went wild.  I felt like I was getting a lesson in “DIVA 101.”  I loved it.  So she slowly walked to the stage and then when she arrived in the middle, she turned to the audience and took off her shoes very slowly which brought more applause from the audience.  Even the band sat up straighter in their chairs as if they knew that they had better play well or it would be the end of their music careers for sure.  Again the press had their pens ready.

She was beautiful.  So beautiful she really didn’t need to do much and you couldn’t help but be in awe.  She was powerful, graceful, scary, and vulnerable all at the same time.  At the age I was at the time, I couldn’t even imagine that kind of multi-leveled depth.  She led the band and danced all at the same time.  And then she stopped. 

She stopped dancing and the band kept playing as she noticed me in the audience.  She made quite a dramatic point to notice me and have the audience notice that she was noticing me.  I smiled and wondered what was going on.  She said some words in Arabic and then the whole crowd looked at me and started to applaud.  I just kept smiling.  Then my friend next to me leaned over and said, “Go.”  I looked at him in total fear and said, “Go where?”  He used his chin and motioned to the stage.  I slowly looked back over to Nagwa who was now very aggressively rooting me on and getting the whole nightclub to join in.  I was graciously declining but for real and not the way she did it.  My declining was more of a pleading actually, with true fear in my eyes.  I looked at my mom and she said, “You have to.”  So I stood up and the audience went crazy.  It was almost like I was getting into the ring with the heavyweight champ, but they were going to root for me… the underdog.

As I slowly walked to the stage from the back of the nightclub my legs were weak and I was afraid I was going to look like a fool.  There was one part of me that wanted to run away and another part of me that wanted to stand strong and deserve the honor to be on the same stage dancing next to Nagwa Fouad.  I felt totally conflicted at how to be respectful and at the same time stand on my own two feet.  I did think it was strange that she called me on stage after not really even watching my show.  But all of that didn’t matter because the minute I put my foot on the stage, I had to smile and look happy.

By the time I got to the stage the whole place was cheering.  It was great and totally scary all at the same time.  I didn’t know what to do when Nagwa began to dance away and work the audience.  She was so amazing with her feminine power that I just stood on stage clapping for her and dancing very little.  The stage was hers and it would have made me feel and look like I didn’t appreciate her if I had tried to dance with her.  So I held back and highlighted her beauty.   I loved it.

Then she came to the middle of the stage and made a gesture to the drummer for a roll.  She hadn’t looked at me much since asking me to the stage.  I felt stuck and on my way to embarrassment all at the same time.  But then she started to vibrate.  I was in the back right hand corner of the stage with no one really noticing me so I started to vibrate too.  Then she brushed her hair off her face and I brushed my hair off my face just like she did, mimicking her.  Then she opened her arms and so did I.  I was trying to follow her and do exactly what she did at the exact same time and still keep my vibration.  Then the audience noticed the fact that I could do and was doing the exact thing she was doing.  The audience found this totally charming and began to chant my name.  Then Nagwa noticed me and looked back over her right shoulder at me.  She put her hands on her hips and so did I.  Then she understood what I was doing and decided to make it a challenge.  She told me to come closer and as she pointed to her watch, told me in Arabic for the whole audience to hear that we were now going to have a vibration contest.  I smiled and accepted the challenge gracefully. 

She began to use larger arm movements while vibrating, then large hip circles while vibrating…. I didn’t break a sweat.  I was smiling and having fun since vibrating and doing pretty much anything on top of a vibration was my forte.  This was great.  I’m not sure this is what she expected from me but I do know that I didn’t stop the vibration first.  She clapped for me and the audience roared.  She held my hand and began to dance with me.  I feel that I had won her respect through both showing her the highest respect as well as proving myself.  As the song came to an end, we both bowed to each other and I left the stage.