A zaghareet was let out by the women of the tribe.  The men began to sing songs from the village that is traditional of engagements.  My heart felt warm at the desire to bring culture and tradition to this day and age.  I could feel the hundreds of years of ancestors whispering even though the room was filled with Armani suits and St. John’s dresses.  Suddenly time stopped and each and every person in the room was present for one reason and one reason only and that was go join in a spiritual chain of strength needed in marriage.  It is the family and loved ones that hold together our spirits that the demands of life will have especially in modern times.  I think that is what made this past weekend so special for me.  I could feel the desire for Arabic culture to bond a new couple in the path that is awaiting them on their wedding day. 

 Najeeb’s eyes were sparkling and the color in his face pink and rosy.  I held back a tear as I approached to give him the correct protocol kiss on both cheeks as a greeting.  Today was the day of his engagement and we as a family were on the way to Fadia’s house for the traditional “asking of the hand” ceremony followed by a very grand engagement party.  It seemed just like yesterday that he was the baby playing in my future father-in-laws living room.  His sister was leading him around obviously with the dominant and older sister vibe.  And now I was watching this man I have gotten to know through the last two decades gracefully transition into one of the most important times in his life.  Standing by the side of my husband who is his best man, I felt the same emotions of my own wedding day.  I don’t think that one can express ones culture and moments in time that bring to heart those slow motion moments that will live in your soul forever.

The room was filled with family.  Fadia’s house was beautifully decorated and you could tell that she is from a good family.  It was my first time at the bride’s house, but when I walked inside I knew this family.  The mix of modern furniture with splashes of the culture, art, and Middle Eastern furniture told the story.  Fadia’s family home was a perfect representation of the soul that this family possesses.  We all waited for her grand entrance.  And typical of her personality she did not keep us waiting too long and out she came.  Her smile, glow and beauty were such an elegant mix of youth and strength.  The room stood up in respect to her new position in the family and I almost lost it.  I was happy to be seated next to the table filled with fruit and cheese so I could grab a napkin quickly as to not mess up my make up.  She was fabulous and as I glanced over at Najeeb only to see his proud and handsome smile waiting for her to position herself next to him in the chair by his side I just let the desire for my make up to hold up vanish.

You could see all the women in the room feel the same way which were feelings of beginnings, transitions and the memories of personal experiences.  Just hearing a room filled with Arabic being spoken calmed my soul.  What surprised me the most was that I didn’t even know it needed being calmed until I was in the middle of a room filled with a village coming together to hold onto some culture in a country that isn’t filled with this deep  understanding.  I looked around the room at some of the people I love the most in this life and I knew that it is memories and moments like this that hold a family together.  Isabella was totally engaged and the thought of being the flower girl at the wedding was now making sense.  We were all a very special part of this new couple’s unity and our love and support will be what will guide the path that we all share.

When the time was right “Grandfather” spoke.  Giving his blessing he then passed the floor to the father of the groom.  Nabil stood up and gave a very heart warming speech and with words that were poetic welcomed Fadia and her family as a part of our family.  The parents of the bride sat so gracefully as they looked up with a gleam in their eyes knowing that their daughter will be well taken care not just by her husband, but the community that will support the couple.  After the appropriate set of applause the father of the bride stood up and gave his speech agreeing to send his daughter off to this new family know that it is also his gain of another wonderful family into his.  The fathers hugged and kissed as did the mothers on both sides.  They all then turned to the couple and gave them each kissed on both cheeks of acceptance and congratulations.  I head the father of the bride whisper “I love you” to his daughter and she looked up at him and said “I love too dad” in English.

Then the room filled with applause and the zaghareet’s began again this time with an Arabic duel similar to a rap “song off” that you see two rappers do.  One woman improvs a song using words of love and wishes from the groom’s side and then one woman singer improvs words of love and wishes from the bride’s side.  As each side goes back and forth the room expresses laughter and joy from each of the sides making it clear which side is the winner…. Both.  As this rap off is going on each of the women from the village of the grooms side comes up one at a time and offers gift of jewelry to the bride.  This is a tradition that is to adorn and drape the new soon to be bride with jewels that she will wear and use as her dowry.  First goes the mother and father of the groom with their offering.  Then each member of the family kisses, drapes, and then kisses again with “Mabrouk” (congratulations) before wiping tears and returning to their seat.  After all the jewels were draped, the champagne, fruit and cheese was served and the photos began.  The best man gave his speech thanking both sides of the family and the blessing the unity of the couple. Then the Arabic coffee was served and that is the cue that it is almost time to go.  We all rhythmically began our transition into the next part of the evening and that was the “Engagement Party”.      

Middle Eastern engagement parties are just like weddings.  The blessing of the rings by the Priest, the great Arabic food, the dancing followed by the bride and groom being place in chairs and carried around the dance floor above the crowd, the making of the rounds by the couple, and finally the cake cutting and feeding which is the cue that one could leave if one wanted to.  For us, the debki is extremely fun bringing back memories of the old country so as requested by my husband I entered the debki line as all my primal feelings of the Middle East came rushing through my body.  It is hard to debki in a cocktail dress and high heals, but if anyone can I CAN.  Then I felt Andre to my left and we laced fingers and held our arms tight and traveled through the restaurant in the Debki line as strong member of the community.  I had never seen Andre Debki before and his passion, stomping and power was not a surprise.  We all stayed late since the Arabic music and a full dance floor didn’t slow anyone down even on a Sunday night.  I think that leaving the party meant we would be leaving the culture once again to try and integrate back into our society.  It felt so comfortable to be in this room and I didn’t want to leave. 

My favorite part of the evening was when Isabella, whom couldn’t be found all night but on the dance floor, came over to me and held out her hands.  She lead me to the dance floor and we joined hands and danced.  We traded doing “Jamila Salimpour” format steps and it was like time stood still until the song ended only to remind us that it was time to leave.  After the party Isabella said to me “Ya know mom, I don’t know why, but after this party I feel more Arabic”, then took a sip of water.  Even she felt her history and fire run through her veins.