by Tiffany Bisconer

One of the most satisfying pieces of my dance life is the time I am able to spend teaching the kids belly dance class within the Suhaila Salimpour School of Dance.  In this role I am offered the chance to give back to this art form that has changed my life, by cultivating a younger generation of dancers.  I must say though, when Suhaila first brought up the idea of me being the one to teach the class, I was scared of the idea.  Knowing me, and my issues, she encouraged me believing that working with kids and watching them blossom would heal me and my jaded perspective on life and innocence.  Not wanting to teach Isabella herself so not to put herself in an instructor role with her daughter, was another motivating factor in having me teach the class.  Respecting her point of view as a mother, I felt honored to be in a position where I could be a teacher to Isabella, third generation dancer.  A huge part of my initial resistance came from my fear of being responsible for the dance lives of children.  I was frightened by the thought of not being able to be a good enough role model, that the children wouldn’t like me or feel safe with me and I wouldn’t know how to give a child the knowledge and experience they needed in order to grow to their full potential.  I felt like I was having an extreme overload of mothering fears before deciding to have a child, only in the scope of being responsible for many children all at once.  All the concerns of doing it right were eating at my confidence.  For me the mere thought of a child disliking me was so much more devastating than an adult not liking me!  Where adults have gathered biases, filters and, unfortunately, hang ups as baggage along the way, children stand innately genuine.  So, as I was somewhat quietly freaking out, we began the belly dance for kids classes.  I took my most graceful swan dive into the role hoping my feet would fit into the shoes that lay ahead of me.  Grateful for the opportunity, knowing I would do the best I could to grow into the role, my panic attacks subsided and I soon realized Suhaila again had seen past my fears and gave me the vision to see more potential in myself than I would’ve on my own if I had never been handed this responsibility.  Since my first day of class this has been one of the most rewarding experiences for me.

My own fear of teaching children no doubt stemmed from my own life experiences.  For many years I carried with me a rooted sadness after choosing to leave home while my sisters were still young. The loss I felt not being able to see them go through their childhood experiences and the guilt I’ve felt from leaving them behind in an environment I couldn’t survive in has been unexplainable.  The reason I stayed as long as I did was out of my desire to keep my sisters thriving and safe, and the moment I left the weight in my heart was excruciating.  My desire to make them proud of me and prove to them that there was more to experience out of life than what was shown to them growing up was what kept me driven and focused on making the most out of myself.  For me, being able to nurture the young girls in the belly dance for kids classes has been a huge healing experience for me.  Now I am able to see positive change and inspiration in girls at a young age, which is a dream come true.  I only wish I could’ve experienced the same circumstances growing up with my sisters. 

When I teach the kids I lose track of my static sense of reality.  The hour class period flies by and catches me by surprise every time.  Life from the eyes of a child is in the moment in a way that becomes more of a battle to feel as you go through life.  Children demand in their honesty that I stay present and real.  Every class I find myself releasing a certain frame of filters that have accumulated through my day in order to stand before them unguarded and open hearted.  I want to make sure they can see my spirit glowing and the young girl inside of me that can relate to their innocence and sparkle.  They deserve that offering and as the woman I am I reach out to mentor and guide them in the most positive and inspiring way I know how.  For me every class is a battle to maintain the structure and discipline of the class while being completely enamored with this group of young women and the power they have and thankfully take for granted.  Balancing the elements of play and discovery with a strong foundation from the Salimpour lineage with a conscious effort to instill respect and awareness, is the melting pot of essentials necessary for them to learn how to learn and enjoy the steps along the way.  Most of the time I catch myself with a deep hearted grin, eyes full of amazement, as I am able to watch before me the creative sparks and breakthroughs of the girls. 

Every class, this fiery group of young dancers bound into the studio excited to be dancing, like they have been waiting ALL day for class.  I get immediate recaps on what they did to practice, what happened in school, what they would like to do in class today…or they’ll want to show me a dance they made up over the weekend.  At the beginning of one of my classes one of the newer members of the young tribe of belly dancers ran from the front door of the studio, across the dance floor and attached herself to my waist.  With her head buried in my belly she said “I just wanted to say thank you SOOOOO much because I ALWAYS wanted to be a belly dancer.”  I giggled and cried a bit at the same time as I smiled at her beautiful 6 year old self, completely charmed by her passion.  I told her “You are so welcome.  I am so proud of you and you dance beautifully.”  Her eyes shined and she gave me one more huge squeeze then let go.  It was this moment I realized the weight of responsibility I felt before I began teaching kids was lifted and in its place was the relief that I was able to be in this position in these girl’s lives.  Not only did they look up to me, but through the class and through my eyes they gained more confidence and pride in themselves through the dance.  I also realized I have the desire and ability to open the doors of possibility in children, which in turn filled a dream I’ve carried with me for so long.  In front of me this little girl was now jumping up and down begging me to put on the music for their dance so that she could practice.  As I played the music, she bounded into the middle of the studio and stood looking at herself in the mirror waiting for the music to cue her in.  I watched her take turns looking at me and looking back at the mirror with a huge smile.  She looked so proud of herself and she could feel how happy I was with her.  She looked fearless and innocent and was dancing through every inch of her self.  To me, this was a priceless inspiration and reminder on what really matters when it comes to art and expression, just show up, open up and pull it out!  

Moments like these make all my heart aches through my life worth it.  I know these girls feel safe with me, in the school, in their bodies and they feel free and limitless in their exploration of self through this dance.  To be a part of the building blocks in that sense of security in young women is a gift I feel more than honored to be able to give.  In my life I never remember feeling safe enough to feel free and to be able to create that feeling in those girls through the dance I in turn have been able to relive another version of my childhood through their eyes.  I give my continuous gratitude to Suhaila for seeing past my fears and moving forward with this part of her vision with me inside of it.  Besides changing my whole life, she has single handedly shown me my own potential much clearer than I could’ve ever seen or understood without her hand on my back pushing me forward.  It has also been a huge gift having Isabella in class.  I feel lucky that I am able to help pass down her own lineage to her.  Through this dance I have been raised by Jamila and Suhaila, her grandmother and mother, and to have the opportunity to teach and guide Isabella through the lineage that is her birth right is a huge honor.  Not only do I completely adore her as an individual young girl who has the passion of a woman much past her years, but she alone has added a part to my spirit that cannot be explained.  I feel I have learned more from her than I could ever give back.  Teaching this class has softened my edges and given me a brighter perspective on life.  Not having children of my own I feel like this is my offering to the young generation and with that offering I am able to extend my longing to nurture, mentor, inspire, and to create a positive outlook in the next generation of women and dancers.  Nothing about my position in their lives do I take lightly and I give thanks to these young women for trusting in me to guide them and keeping my spirit full of hope and sparkle.